The Key to a Successful Weight-Loss is to Give Yourself a Break
BOYT: Please share with us a bit about what inspired you to write The Self Compassion Diet.
Jean Fain: I wrote The Self-Compassion Diet for personal and professional reasons. Professionally, my weight-management clients have taught me that dieters are really hard on themselves. They feed themselves a steady diet of self-criticism and expect that’ll somehow inspire them to lose weight once and for all. But they’ve got it backwards; self-criticism—calling yourself fat, disgusting and other mean nasty name— that’s a recipe for emotional overeating and weight gain. Self-compassion, on the other hand, is the missing ingredient in every diet and a simple recipe for sustainable weight loss that works!
Personally, I’ve been in dieters’ shoes, or should I say in their uncomfortably tight jeans. I gained weight in my late teens and it was such a miserable experience, I was determined to learn how to lose weight and keep it off, so I’d never feel that miserable again.
BOYT: What are the principles of The Self Compassion Diet and why have you found it to be different/effective?
Jean Fain: The Self-Compassion Diet is made up of four routes to sustainable slimness without dieting: self-compassion, self-hypnosis, mindful eating and group support. I encourage readers to travel all four, but explore their favorites with as much self-compassion and as little self-criticism as they can. It’s their journey after all. They’ve got to find their way. Lose it their way. Why is it so effective? See the answer to the next question.
BOYT: Why do you feel that most “diets” fail?
Jean Fain: Most diets and other weight-loss plans revolve around self-discipline, deprivation and neglect. You’re supposed to stick to the plan no matter what. If you’re starving, keep eating tiny portions. If you’re exhausted, keep moving—no pain, no gain. Going on vacation? Keep counting calories, carbs, points... It’s not a very compassionate approach, it’s not very effective, and it’s no fun. What I’m saying is, when you treat yourself with self-compassion—when you treat yourself like a friend or a loved one, with loving-kindness—you’re more apt to eat when you’re hungry and stop when you’re full; rest when you’re tired & move when you feel energized. And when you do that, you lose weight naturally.
BOYT: Do you find that when a person obsesses over dieting/eating it is actually very counterproductive? How can someone find a healthy balance?
Jean Fain: Yes, obsessing about dieting/eating leads to all sorts of counterproductive thoughts, feelings and behaviors that undermine a person’s healthiest intentions. Most people think if they only had enough self-discipline, if they force themselves to eat this and not that, their worries will be over. But more often than not, they get trapped in a vicious cycle of under-eating and overindulging.
As for a healthy balance, when you’re more compassionate about your imperfect diet and your appearance, it’s only natural to stop striving for physical perfection and start accepting yourself just as you are. Then there’s hope. Then weight loss happens.
BOYT: You discuss the effectiveness of self-hypnosis, what are a few statements or practices that you recommend a person do daily to stay on-track?
Jean Fain: If you’ve ever gotten lost in a good book or movie, you already have a sense of how to hypnotize yourself. You focus your attention, deepen your breathing, and open mind to new ideas and experiences. Doing self-hypnosis for weight-loss? Rather than read Eat, Pray, Love you’d feed yourself suggestions like: “More and more, I am craving nutritious, delicious food” or “Every day in every way, I am appreciating the natural sweetness of fruits and vegetables.”
BOYT: What are a few of the biggest diet traps that people commonly fall into?
Jean Fain: The biggest diet trap is under-eating. That’s right, not eating enough—for some part of the day or for days on end. Depriving yourself traps dieters in that vicious cycle I mentioned earlier of under-eating and overindulging. Think about it; when you force yourself to eat puny portions of unappetizing diet food, isn’t it only a matter of time before you’re raiding the cupboard for cookies and chips?
Other traps include: eliminating entire food groups, especially carbs; forcing yourself to eat unpalatable diet foods; and beating yourself up if you don’t stick to your diet perfectly.
BOYT: What are the daily practices for a person who has lost weight and managed to keep it off for a long period of time?
Jean Fain: The National Weight Control Registry provides a list of the daily practices, like eating breakfast and regular weigh-ins, of those who’ve maintained a sizable weight loss. But frankly, if you cultivate self-compassion, if you treat yourself like a friend or a loved one, you don’t need to stick to any specific practice. Because when you’re self-compassionate, you’re naturally inclined to take good care of yourself and lose weight. (That is, if you need to lose weight.)
BOYT: What are the essential tools that every person committed to losing weight must have?
Jean Fain: Instead of tools, consider the three essential elements of self-compassion:
- mindful awareness
- loving-kindness
- common humanity
Let me explain:
1. Mindful awareness is paying attention right here, right now with as little self-criticism and as much self-acceptance as possible. Rather than regretting how much you ate yesterday or promising yourself to start dieting tomorrow, it’s accepting yourself, just as you are, however much you weigh.
2. Loving-Kindness is what it sounds like—treating yourself with love and kindness. Like a mother would treat a new baby. If the baby’s hungry, you wouldn’t deprive her of her favorite baby food. You’d feed her. If your baby’s tired, you wouldn’t tell her to crawl for at least 30 minutes! No, you’d put her down for a nap. Loving-kindness is treating yourself like a beloved child.
3. Common Humanity is recognizing that you are not alone. You’ve got lots of company! Millions of people wake up every morning the same way… feeling unhappy about their weight and wishing they could lose a few pounds. Common humanity means you are definitely not alone AND you don’t have to go it alone.
BOYT: Lastly, what has made the biggest impact in your life?
Jean Fain: The boundless love and support of my family, especially my mother and husband.
About Jean Fain
Jean Fain, LICSW, MSW, is a Harvard-Medical School affiliated-psychotherapist and the author of "The Self-Compassion Diet." In her private practice in Concord, Massachusetts, she uses hypnosis and mindfulness to treat everyday eating issues. Her health articles have appeared in O: The Oprah Magazine,Shape, The Huffington Post and more. She has dedicated her work to helping others keep physically, emotionally and mentally fit. Visit www.jeanfain.com.
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