The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships
Coming from a longtime and successful career as a book publicist, Ford is also a literary agent, TV lifestyle reporter, radio host, publishing consultant, relationship expert and blogger for the Huffington Post. She has written nine books, including the international bestseller The Soulmate Secret: Manifest The Love of Your Life With The Law of Attraction. She lives in La Jolla, CA with her husband, Brian Hilliard and their feline friends. Find out more at www.arielleford.com and www.wabisabilove.com.
BOYT: Your new book is titled Wabi Sabi Love: The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships. What exactly is Wabi Sabi love?
Arielle Ford: It is an ancient Japanese art form that honors all things old, weathered, worn, imperfect and impermanent by finding the beauty in the imperfections. For instance, if you had a large vase with a big crack down the middle of it, a Japanese art museum would put the vase on a pedestal and shine a light on the crack. Or, they might fill the crack with 24k gold! Wabi Sabi Loveis devoted to exploring the simple, fun and effective ways to apply this concept to our love relationships. It shares stories and exercises that demonstrate how to attain groundbreaking shifts in perception so that you can embrace and find the beauty and perfection in each other’s imperfections. I call this “going from annoyed to enjoyed!”
BOYT: What is the difference between going along with your partner’s passion because you want to please him and embracing his passion for the good of the relationship? Seems as if the difference is subtle.
Arielle Ford: In a word, enthusiasm! Going along or just putting up with something doesn’t bring any joy to either of you. When you can develop a “generous heart” and discover a way to really enjoy what they enjoy, everyone wins.
BOYT: You tell of a humorous Wabi Sabi Aha! moment that many of us can probably relate to—dealing with a partner who is passionate about a sport. Can you share with our readers how your husband’s love of basketball affected you and how you dealt with it?
Arielle Ford: When Brian and I first got together I knew nothing about basketball, a sport he excelled at in college and beyond. To make it fun for me, I decided to watch the last 15 minutes of any game he was watching and then root for the shortest players. It became fun for both of us and I slowly came to appreciate both the sport and his profound passion for it.
BOYT: What if you have a Wabi Sabi heart, but your spouse does not? Is it okay to be the only one in the relationship that is accepting of the other?
Arielle Ford: I don’t believe that you should use Wabi Sabi as an excuse for unkind, unloving or bad behavior. Ideally as you demonstrate how to be more “wabi sabi” in all the ways you interact with your partner, they will begin to catch on. If your partner is a hardcore perfectionist, try using humor to lighten them up. None of us is, or ever will be, perfect and practicing Wabi Sabi will bring more balance and joy to the relationship.
BOYT: What if you just can’t develop any kind of good feeling, much less love, for something your partner is passionate about?
Arielle Ford: Let’s assume your partner is crazy for collecting insects and it totally grosses you out. Can you still find a way to support your partner? Maybe buy him or her a subscription to a newsletter about insect collecting? Or create a special workspace for them in the garage? You don’t need to love it but you should honor their passion for it.
BOYT: What is a Heart Lock-In? You mention in Wabi Sabi Love that you use this technique to help you in your commitment to your partner.
Arielle Ford: It’s a technique developed by the Institute of Heartmath (www.heartmath.com) to help you sustain heartfelt positive emotions, and their benefits, for longer periods. With practice, a Heart Lock-In can provide physical, mental and spiritual regeneration and resiliency so the next time you find yourself dreading something your partner loves to do, you can more easily make space for it. Close your eyes and breathe slowly. Shift your attention away from your mind and focus on the area around your heart. Remember the feeling of love or appreciation you have for your partner. Focus on this feeling for five to fifteen minutes. Gently send that feeling of love or appreciation to yourself and to your partner.
(For an experience of a heart lock-in, please visit www.wabisabilove.com/audio to download a guided audio version.)
BOYT: For our readers who may not be involved in a relationship at this time, what can they take away from Wabi Sabi Love? Will they still find it helpful or useful?
Arielle Ford: Yes because we first want to become proficient at practicing Wabi Sabi Love on ourselves. When we can learn to find the beauty and perfection in our own imperfections, we will be more willing to be that way with everyone in our lives including our eventual spouse.
About Arielle Ford
Arielle Ford is a highly influential personality in the personal growth and contemporary spirituality movement. For the past 25 years she has been promoting consciousness through all forms of media. Her stellar career includes years as a prominent book publicist, author, literary agent, TV lifestyle reporter, radio host, publishing consultant, relationship expert, and blogger for the Huffington Post. Arielle is the author of nine books including the international bestseller, THE SOULMATE SECRET: Manifest The Love of Your Life With The Law of Attraction. Her latest book is WABI SABI LOVE: The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships. She lives in La Jolla, CA with her husband, Brian Hilliard and their feline friends. For more information, visit www.arielleford.com and www.wabisabilove.com.
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